Many variables are involved in responding to an adult child who has broken the law. His age is an important factor. The law may define an adult as someone of 18, but few older people would look back on their 18-year-old selves and consider that they were mature at that age. Another important consideration is the nature and seriousness of the offense and whether it happened once or is something that has become all too much of a pattern. The relationship between you and your adult child also will influence how you respond now.
Instructions
1. Allow your adult child to tell you about what happened without interruption. Listen as closely as you can and do not leap to judgment until you have heard all sides of the story. Do not rush to defend your adult child in all circumstances because this can reinforce the notion that she can get away with anything. If the crime has an obvious victim, give some thought to his feelings and insist that your adult child does this too.
2. Accept and love the child, without condoning his actions. Do not accept lame excuses, but do not refuse to listen to mitigating circumstances either. Do not lose sight of all your own principles because this is your child. He will ultimately respect you more if you stick to your beliefs about right and wrong. Refuse to accept the blame for his actions. He is an adult. If you need to have a conversation about your parenting, do this at a less emotive time.
3. Help her as much as your conscience and your finances allow. Give careful thought to what you are doing in bailing her out or otherwise intervening between her actions and the consequences. If this is really a one-time situation and the circumstances are unusual, providing help might be the right response. However, if you are called on to do this more than once, you may actually preventing your adult child learning a valuable lesson. You could be enabling her to get further and deeper into trouble in the long run.
Tags: adult child, your adult, your adult child, because this